


the miracle of you

by littlemsmessy



Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Infertility, Miracles, Yuletide 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:58:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemsmessy/pseuds/littlemsmessy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nancy Drew Yuletide 2012 prompt from ndnickerson: Nancy and Ned have been told that they cannot have children, after trying for a year to get pregnant. They take the news hard. In December of that year, Nancy comes down with the stomach flu and Ned takes care of her. Then, Christmas morning, Nancy, telling herself it can't possibly be true, finds one of the pregnancy tests she bought when they were still hopeful and takes it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	the miracle of you

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing/Characters: Nancy Drew/Ned Nickerson  
> Series: ND Files  
> Rating: PG-13  
> Spoilers: None  
> Warning(s): Some adult language and references; nothing graphic  
> Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine - my name is littlemsmessy, not Carolyn Keene. If these were my characters, I'd be rich right now, and each of you would get a pony.  
> Notes: Prompt requested by ndnickerson

**June 6**

Nancy looked around the nearly empty waiting room of the fertility specialist’s office, trying not to stare at the pictures of chubby-cheeked infants lining the walls, their wispy hair sticking up like their heads had just been rubbed against balloons. Or at the pictures of ringlet-haired toddlers whose images were captured just before they were able to run away and explore the toy or stuffed animal that had been held up just outside of the camera lens’s field of vision.

She checked her watch again, grateful that their appointment was the last one of the day. This way, if the news was bad like it had been from the first two doctors, there wouldn’t be a crowd of strangers to watch her cry as they made their way out of the waiting room and into the parking lot.

She heard the door open and turned her head to see Ned rushing towards her.

“Nan, baby, I am so sorry I was late. Traffic was a bitch,” he apologized before leaning down to kiss her.

Nancy smiled up at him from her seat. “It’s okay, honey. The doctor hasn’t called us yet.”

Ned plopped down into the chair next to hers and grabbed her hand. “How are you doing, sweetheart?” His brown eyes were full of concern.

She shrugged, using her free hand to pick at the hem of the light cotton cardigan she had thrown over her dress. Even though the June heat still was blazing outside at this late hour, Nancy now knew from experience that all doctor’s offices had a climate that could be described as practically polar, thanks to their air conditioners going at full blast.

“I just keep hoping that…”

“I know, baby,” Ned soothed. “Everyone says this doctor is incredible – she comes very highly regarded and is known as a miracle worker. I’m sure she’ll have better news for us than the last two we’ve seen.”

“I hope so,” Nancy sighed.

Ned clasped her hand tighter. “Hey, why don’t we go out to dinner after this, huh? We can go to that new seafood place that Mike told me about. They’re supposed to have great grilled fish.”

Nancy’s response was cut off by the smiling young nurse who came out to the waiting room. “Mr. and Mrs. Nickerson?”

Nancy and Ned both stood up hastily, still holding hands as they followed the nurse to an exam room. Nancy changed into a paper gown that the nurse had placed on the exam table while Ned sat in a chair in the corner. A manila file folder with a label that read “NICKERSON, NANCY” in bold block letters on the tab rested on the counter that ran along the side of the room.

They were silent while they waited, too nervous to speak. Nancy stared down at her crimson-tipped toes, legs swinging in no particular rhythm.

After what seemed like hours, the door opened and a tiny African-American woman with long, curly black hair walked in. She wore a white lab coat over her orange dress and smiled at Nancy and Ned before she settled onto the rolling stool in front of Nancy.

“Mr. and Mrs. Nickerson, I am so sorry that I’ve kept you waiting,” Dr. Mitchell apologized, and she appeared to be sincere about it. “My last three appointments ran over, and it threw my whole schedule out-of-whack.” She opened the folder sitting on the counter and glanced down at its contents.

“It’s okay,” Nancy smiled, “we understand. You must be very busy.” As it was, they had had to wait almost three months to even get this appointment – Megan Mitchell was that much in demand – and she didn’t want to alienate the doctor before they even started.

“And please – call us Ned and Nancy,” Ned interjected.

“Well, thank you for your patience, Ned and Nancy. I’ve reviewed all of your test results – the ones that you’ve taken in advance of this appointment, as well as the ones you’ve had with your other doctors.” Dr. Mitchell flipped through the papers in the folder and Nancy’s stomach churned. “I just wanted to do a quick exam of my own. Can you lie back for me, Nancy?”

Nancy caught Ned’s nervous smile of encouragement before settling onto the table on her back and placing her feet into the stirrups. As she stared up at the ceiling, she thought back to all of the other appointments she’d had like this, each one ending in disappointment, and she had to hold back tears as she prayed that Dr. Mitchell would give them some kind of hope.

Once the examination was over, the doctor asked Nancy to get dressed so the three of them could talk in her office. Nancy wished that she could read Dr. Mitchell’s face, but the doctor had apparently developed a talent for hiding her thoughts, one likely honed through years of having to tell women that their chances for conceiving were less than ideal.

Nancy dressed slowly, both dreading and anticipating the news that they were about to hear. Before they left the exam room, Ned scooped her into his arms and held her close for a minute, smoothing her hair.

“Whatever happens, you know that I love you, right?” he asked gently.

Nancy nodded, glad that he couldn’t see her face. “And I love you,” she whispered.

“If the news isn’t good…” He let the sentence linger as if afraid to finish it. “I just want you to know that we’ll deal with it together- like we always do, okay?”  
  


She pulled back and gave him a smile. “I know. Now, let’s hear what the doctor has to say.”

They linked hands as they made their way to her office, which was decorated with still more pictures of babies and toddlers. There were photos of tiny peapods and lions and firefighters showing off their too-precious Halloween costumes, and pictures of little ones in bathing suits, their arms and legs ringed with fat that would only be considered cute at their age.

Nancy and Ned sat down in chairs that faced a gleaming glass-and-chrome desk that held a computer monitor and keyboard, a mug filled with writing utensils, and a framed wedding photo of the doctor and her husband. That same damned manila file folder sat squarely in the middle of the desk, and Nancy itched to reach across and grab it so she could read the contents before the doctor came in.

Just as she was pondering how quickly she could snatch the folder, the door opened and Dr. Mitchell re-emerged. She settled into her chair behind the desk and steepled her fingers together over the top of the folder.

“So, let me get right to it – I’m sure you’re anxious to hear what I have to say. As I mentioned earlier, I reviewed all of your medical records, all of your test results, your bloodwork, the reports from your various ultrasounds…”

Nancy leaned forward expectantly; a quick sidelong glance at Ned told her that he was also perched at the edge of his chair.

“And?” she asked hopefully, knowing that her impatience must be etched all over her face.

“Well…” The doctor sighed and Nancy felt her heart began to fall in her chest. She knew by now that when doctors looked at you that way, their news was never good. She reached out to clutch Ned’s hand again.

“Please, just tell us,” Ned pleaded. “We’ve been through so much and we just want to know if there’s any way this can happen for us.”

Dr. Mitchell sighed regretfully. “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but from my examination, everything I’ve read and looked at, and from the reports from your other doctors, it does not appear that the two of you will ever be able to have a baby. Short of a miracle, there is no possibility that you will ever become pregnant.”

Nancy heard a harsh sob punctuate the air and was startled to find that it had come from her. Ned instinctively slid his chair closer to hers and began rubbing her back in slow, soothing circles.

“Dr. Mitchell, are you sure?” Ned asked in a low voice as he continued to rub Nancy’s back.

She nodded. “I’m afraid to say that I concur with the other fertility specialists you’ve seen. We don’t know why this happens, but sometimes a woman’s eggs and her partner’s sperm just aren’t compatible.

“And to further complicate things, in your case, it appears that Nancy’s uterus will not be receptive to the fertilization process. You’ve already tried all of the fertility medicines, so there isn’t anything else to give you, either. I wish I had more answers for you.” The doctor leaned over and grabbed a box of tissues from the side of her desk and passed them to Nancy, compassion in her eyes. “I am so sorry.”

Nancy took the tissues gratefully and pulled one out to wipe her cheeks; the tissue came away soaked when she crumpled it into her fist.

“Could it…Could it…?” Nancy could barely get out the sentence through her tears. “Could it have anything to do with my job? Could our problems with getting pregnant be related to my job?” Even voicing the words made her feel sick.

“What?” Ned asked in astonishment. “Honey, no!”

“I’m a private investigator,” she explained to the doctor, her sense of guilt and dread increasing. “And my job requires a lot of physical activity and it can be dangerous and I’m always getting hurt…”

The doctor shook her head. “Nancy, no. No. This type of issue that you and Ned are experiencing has nothing to do with the physical demands of your job, I promise you. So, please don’t blame yourself, okay?” She gave Nancy a gentle smile.

“So what happens now?” Ned asked, still speaking quietly.

“Well, I would suggest that you explore other options.”

“Such as?” Nancy asked, her voice tremulous.

“Well, unfortunately, an egg donor would be out, given the situation with your uterus. However, you could use a surrogate with an egg donor – Ned’s sperm and another woman’s egg, and another woman could carry the baby for you.”

Nancy’s breath caught in her throat as she imagined her husband’s seed mixing with someone’s else’s egg and another complete stranger carrying his baby. Some other woman growing his child. The very idea of it set off a fresh round of tears.

Ned brought their joined hands up to his mouth, brushing her knuckles against his lips.

“I know, it’s a lot to consider right now,” Dr. Mitchell said sympathetically. “But if you decide that you want to go ahead with that option, we can work with you to find the donor egg and carrier.”

“Thank you,” Ned replied, smiling sadly.

“Of course. I want to help you any way I can. I just wish I’d had better news for you today. Tell you what – why don’t I give you some materials that you can look over once you’re ready? That way, you can make an informed decision.”

Nancy nodded, still clutching the used tissue in her fist.

“Do you have any questions for me? Is there anything I can do? Maybe suggest a counselor who specializes in working with couples who have fertility challenges? Or a support group?”

“No,” Nancy replied in a low tone. “No, I don’t want to talk to anyone else.”

“Okay,” Dr. Mitchell said quickly. “But I can give you information, if you change your mind. Can I also give you some unsolicited advice?”

When Nancy and Ned both nodded tentatively, she continued. “You seem like you’re very much in love and that your relationship is strong - which is remarkable, considering everything you’ve endured together as you’ve gone on this incredibly difficult journey.

“I would just remind you not to let what I’ve told you today rip you apart or cause there to be distance between the two of you. I’ve seen a lot of couples fall apart when their dreams of having a family the conventional way don’t go as they had hoped. But you two seem like you have something really special with each other, and I would hate to see this get in the way of that.”

“We won’t let it,” Nancy told the doctor fiercely as she gripped Ned’s hand harder. “We love each other too much to let that happen.”

Ned smiled in spite of himself. “Nan’s right. I’ve loved her since I was sixteen, and we’ve been through a lot together, outside of this. Believe me, if that other stuff didn’t ruin us, nothing will. ”

Dr. Mitchell smiled again. “That’s very sweet, and I’m glad to hear it.”

“Dr. Mitchell, can you give us a few minutes? Obviously, this isn’t the news we wanted or expected to hear tonight. I know that it’s late and you and your staff probably want to get out of here-”

The doctor shook her head as she rose from her chair. “Don’t be silly. I completely understand, Ned. Please – take as much time as you need. When you’re ready to leave, stop by the front desk – I’ll leave the materials that I spoke about earlier with the receptionist. And please don’t hesitate to call me if you think of other questions when you get home.”

“Thank you,” Nancy said softly.

The minute the door closed behind Dr. Mitchell, Nancy began to weep in earnest. Ned reached out and pulled her into his arms. “Sweetheart, I know,” he whispered into her ear as he resumed rubbing her back. “I know, Nan.”

“I can’t believe this,” Nancy sobbed. “I can’t believe we’re never going to have a baby!”

She thought despairingly of the room they had automatically designated as a nursery when they had first looked at their house, of the boxes of baby clothes sitting in the attic that her mother-in-law had bequeathed to them, of the ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ ornament she had purchased on impulse last year.

“Sweetheart, what I told Dr. Mitchell was true - I love you so much and we are going to get through this. I promise,” Ned vowed as he pulled back, kissing her softly. The sight of the tears building in his dark eyes nearly broke her heart.

“Ned, I’m so sorry,” she told him. “I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry about, Nan?” he asked, looking genuinely puzzled.

Nancy swallowed hard. She had been holding this in for the entire eighteen months that they had been trying to conceive, through one negative pregnancy test after the next, through all of the doctor’s appointments and painful, sometimes embarrassing tests and examinations.

“I’m so sorry that I can’t give you what you want – I can’t give you a baby, Ned! I feel like I’ve failed you as a wife, and I’m sorry!” She began sobbing wildly again.

“Stop it – stop it right now,” Ned told her fiercely, gripping her upper arms. “You are what I want. _You_ , Nancy Nickerson. You make me so damn happy, sweetheart, and you most definitely haven’t failed me, so stop talking like that.”

“But I know you’ve always talked about having kids, and you must be incredibly disappointed-“

“I am,” he admitted. “But not in you! I’m disappointed and pissed that this isn’t going to happen for us, but it’s not your fault, sweetheart. You heard the doctor.

“But, Nan, it doesn’t mean we can’t have kids! 

Like Dr.  Mitchell said, there’s always surrogacy.”

Nancy let out a soft sound of misery. “Ned, I will do anything at all to give you a baby, but the thought of another woman carrying it…it’s going to take a lot to get used to.”

“So if you’re not comfortable with that idea, let’s not do it. What about adoption? The baby doesn’t have to be ours biologically for us to love it, right?”

“Right,” Nancy admitted. “But, Ned – it’s so expensive.” She thought of the medical bills that had been piling up since they had started this whole fertility endeavor – most of their expenses hadn’t been covered by insurance.

“So maybe we’ll save up for a few years and then try. Or - or, we could do a foster to adoption thing. That won’t be nearly as expensive, and there are tons of kids out there who are just looking for families.”

“But it won’t be a baby,” Nancy pointed out, feeling small and petty.

“It could be,” Ned replied gently. “Or not – there are plenty of toddlers, I’m sure. My point is that the information that Dr. Mitchell’s given us today doesn’t mean that we can’t be parents, sweetheart. I just want us to have a family and I don’t care how we do it. I know you’ll be an amazing mom, and we’ll figure it out somehow.”

Nancy smiled at him, her tears subsiding. “I love you so much, Ned.”

“I love you, too, Nan. Let’s make a pact, okay? Whatever happens, we’ll be parents or on our way to being parents by this time next year.”

“That sounds really good,” she told him, snuggling back into his arms.

He kissed the crown of her head. “Still want to go to dinner, baby?”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I just can’t face anyone right now.”

“Okay. Then why don’t I pick up a pizza and we can cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. I’ll even let you pick the movie.”

Her chuckle was muffled against his shirt front. “Wow, you must really feel sorry for me tonight if you’re letting that happen.”

He laughed. “I figure that if I’m nice to you, I could get lucky later.”

“Well, at least we won’t have to worry about birth control.” She eased back and cupped his face in her hand, stroking her thumb across his stubbled cheek.

“See? Silver lining,” he teased gently.

For the thousandth time since they’d met, she wondered how she’d gotten so lucky to find Ned.

\--

**September 19**

Ned poked his head into their home office. “Ready, babe?”

Nancy nodded, her eyes still trained on her computer screen. “Just give me one more minute to send this report to my boss, and then I’ll be done.”

After clicking on the “send” button, Nancy shut down her computer and walked downstairs to join Ned in the den, where he had set up their personal laptop in the center of the coffee table. It was surrounded by paperwork, folders and notebooks. Outside, she heard the wind rattle the window. It was a surprisingly windy, chilly day for mid-September, and Nancy was glad that they’d be spending a cozy evening at home.

To Nancy’s amusement, Ned returned to the den carrying a bottle of champagne and two flutes, placing them on the table before he lit a few candles around the room.

“What’s all this, Mr. Nickerson?” she teased, settling down onto the couch.

“Well, it’s a big night for us, babe. We’re planning our family. And we maybe could have been doing all of this if we were upstairs making a baby, so why not?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Nancy giggled.

“Well, if you keep being sweet to me like this, I’ll let you take me upstairs when we’re done, even though we won’t be able to make a baby.” The words still resulted in a stab of pain but she brushed it aside, instead choosing to focus on their plans for the evening. She also thought of the lace and satin nightie she had purchased specifically for this evening – Ned wasn’t the only one who wanted to make the night special.

Now that the pressure about conceiving was off of them, they no longer had to worry about ovulation windows or the thickness of her uterine lining or wasting his sperm, so their lovemaking could be as spontaneous and relaxed as it used to be. Nancy had to admit that it was nice to be able to be intimate with her husband whenever the mood struck, as opposed to waiting for the “right” time.

Ned grinned and sat down next to her. After wrestling with the cork for a minute, he poured champagne into the flutes and handed one of the glasses to Nancy.

“To my beautiful, amazing wife. Maybe this isn’t happening the way we expected it to, but it doesn’t matter – I still can’t wait to start a family with her.”

Nancy felt tears spring to her eyes. “And to my handsome, incredible husband. I can’t wait for us to become parents; I can’t wait to see him holding our son or daughter.”

Ned smiled at her as they clinked glasses and then kissed.

“Okay, enough of the mushy stuff - we have a job to do!” he announced in an official-sounding voice, pulling back to focus on the computer and paperwork on the coffee table.

“Surrogacy information first?” Nancy proposed, leaning forward to open their internet browser.

“Baby, if you’re still not okay with this-“

Nancy cut him off by pressing her fingers to his lips. “We agreed we’d explore all options, right? That’s what tonight is about – a fact-finding mission. And if we find that using an egg donor with a surrogate is the best way for us to have a child, I’ll find a way to get okay with it.”

The idea was still unbelievably difficult for her, but she would have felt incredibly selfish if she didn’t at least entertain the idea of having a child that would be biologically half-Ned’s. The thought of a little boy or girl with his dark hair and beautiful brown eyes warmed her, even though the other half of the child’s genetic makeup wouldn’t be hers.

They searched through the website that Dr. Mitchell had provided to them, reading the profiles of the women who were offering their services. Nancy was touched when Ned became especially excited by one donor’s profile – the woman described herself as a strawberry-blonde with blue eyes.

Once they had pored over everything on the site and the paperwork the doctor provided, Nancy turned back to Ned.

“So what do we do about the cost?” She took a sip of her champagne.

“I can get another job on weekends or nights so we can earn a little extra money,” he offered.

Nancy shook her head. “I hate the idea of not being able to see you, honey. Plus, you already work crazy hours, and you’d be exhausted.”

He shrugged. “It’d only be temporary, and it’s a way we can help pay for some of this stuff.”

“What about our parents?” Nancy suggested gently. “They’ve already offered to help out with the fertility bills, and-“

“No,” Ned told her firmly. “I don’t want to ask them. I know they’re only trying to help, but I hate the idea of them thinking that I’m not able to provide for our family.”

“Sweetheart, they won’t think that at all!” Nancy soothed, patting his knee. “Look, everything we’ve been through has been incredibly expensive. They understand that.”

“I hear what you’re saying, Nan, but I want that to be our absolute last resort. Maybe we should apply for a bank loan.”  
  


“Do you think we can get one with all of our medical bills?” she countered, careful to keep her tone even. “Maybe we should ask our parents for the loan – that way, the money’ll be guaranteed, and we won’t have to pay a high interest rate, like we would at a bank.”

“Maybe,” Ned replied, though he didn’t sound very enthusiastic. He finished his champagne and poured them both refills.

“Let’s keep going, okay?” Nancy proposed, trying to keep his spirits up. “I know adoption’s probably going to be equally expensive, but let’s see.”

She fished out the adoption file from the large pile of papers on the coffee table and located the web address for the agency that had been highly recommended by one of Nancy’s colleagues.

“Well, I did a little research and found out that my company has an adoption assistance benefit, so at least we’d get a little financial relief.” Ned grinned proudly at her.

“Really?” Nancy asked excitedly. “How would it work?”

“Once we have all of the paperwork confirming that the adoption is going to happen, we submit copies to them and they’ll give us $5,000, free and clear.”

“Honey, are you serious?” she squealed. “Ned, that would be a _huge_ help!”

“I know,” he smiled. “So let’s look at the site and see what we can find.”

“But this way, the baby won’t be yours, biologically,” Nancy pointed out.

“I told you that doesn’t matter to me, Nan.” He put his arm around her shoulders and brought her in for a quick kiss. “Any way we do this, it won’t be yours, biologically, so why should it matter about me?”

Nancy suspected that it did matter to him, at least a little bit, but that he didn’t want to admit it for fear of hurting her feelings or upsetting her.

“Honey, we’ve gone over this,” he reminded her. “Just because the baby doesn’t have half of my genes, it won’t mean that I’ll love it any less.

“We’ll be the ones getting up with him or her in the middle of the night when they have a bad dream. We’ll be the ones panicking when our kid’s sick and we can’t get their fever to go down.

“We’ll be the ones putting together toys for the kid on Christmas Eve and putting out cookies for Santa. We’ll be the ones sitting in the front row for every school play and pageant, camcorders at the ready. You’ll be shopping for a little Easter outfit and a Halloween costume. Baby, that’s all that’s important, not whether the kid came from us or not.”

Nancy imagined each of the scenarios that Ned had just laid out and began to smile, tears in her eyes. She couldn’t wait for them to become reality.

“That sounds so perfect,” she told him. “I just didn’t want you to feel disappointed by the fact that you aren’t going to have a child that’s got those gorgeous Nickerson genes.”

He chuckled. “How could I be disappointed when you’re going to be the mother of my child, huh?” He planted a kiss on her forehead. “So stop worrying about biology, okay? Besides, if it’s a boy, I’m still going to teach him how to flirt and pick up the ladies.”

Laughing, Nancy poked him in the ribs. “What if he’s not into the ladies? Will you still love him then?”

“Of course, Nan – and if that’s the case, then _you_ can teach him how to flirt and pick up the guys.”

She cracked up at that. “Well, aren’t you the progressive one, Mr. Nickerson?”

“Aren’t parents supposed to love their kids, no matter what? Now, come on – let’s look at the site.”

Nancy typed in the web address and brought up the cheerful-looking home page of the agency.

“Hey, look at this, Nan,” Ned nudged her. “They’re having an information session here in Chicago next month. Maybe we should sign up.”

Nancy clicked on the link and read the details. “Ooh, they give information about the overall process, submitting the application, what happens if the mother chooses you for an interview…And how to handle the financial piece of it, too!”

She filled out the online form for them to attend the session, feeling her excitement grow as they became one step closer to becoming parents.

That task complete, they navigated through the site and cooed at the pictures of a few pudgy infants and older babies. One had dark hair and blue eyes and reminded Nancy of what their baby might have looked like, had they been able to have one. Brushing aside her sadness, she clicked through to the next record.

After another hour, Nancy sat back and stretched.

“Ready to give up, Nan?”

She shook her head. “No, I still want to look at the foster care site.”

“Really?” he asked in surprise. “I thought that you really wanted a baby, and the likelihood of us getting one through the foster system probably isn’t as high.”

“I do, but if that can’t happen for us because of cost or whatever, we can still get a child this way. We said we’d explore all options, so let’s do it. Unless you aren’t still into it?” she added hastily.

“I am – I’m for any way that we can be parents, Nan. I meant it when I said it.”

She smiled, patting his knee as he moved the laptop over so that it was in front of him and put in the address for the foster care website. “They’re also having an information session next month. Want me to sign us up?” Nancy nodded.

Once the request had been submitted, Ned searched the site for information about the children who were available for the foster to adoption process. “Damn, there are a lot of kids out there,” he remarked, shaking his head sympathetically.

“That’s why I kind of like the idea, Ned. I mean, we’re prospective parents searching for a kid, and they’re kids searching for prospective parents.”

“It might not be easy, especially with an older child,” he warned her gently. “They could have issues – I mean, damn, I’d have issues if I kept getting bounced around from home to home by the time I was three, too.”

“I know,” Nancy sighed. “But look at that sweet little boy.”

He appeared to be around three or four and had caramel-colored skin, huge dark eyes and curly black hair. He was wearing denim overalls with a fire truck embroidered on the front, his slightly chubby arms sticking out of a short-sleeved red t-shirt. “Don’t you want to just kiss those cheeks?”

He laughed. “And you were worried that we wouldn’t feel an attachment to a kid that’s not ours.”

“He’s adorable, Ned! And yeah, he’s a little older that we wanted, but he’s still a baby in a lot of ways. He’s probably got his own little personality already. Look at that smile!”

“Do you think our parents will be cool with us adopting a kid that isn’t white?” he asked reflectively as he moved on to the next profile, this one of two little African- American girls, twins.

“I can’t speak for yours, but you know that my dad won’t care. He just wants me to be happy – _us_ to be happy. And the minute our child climbs up onto to his lap to talk about dinosaurs or trains or dolls or whatever, they’ll have him wrapped around their finger. Or when they look up at Hannah with their big eyes and beg her for another cookie, she’ll be so willing to spoil them that we’ll have to physically restrain her.” Ned laughed at that, nodding his agreement.

“Don’t you think your parents will be the same way? They’ve also witnessed our struggle and I know that they want grandkids, so I can’t imagine them not treating any child of yours with anything other than love or affection. Your dad’ll have our son in the backyard, tossing a football around; your mom’ll be sitting on the floor and having tea parties with our little girl. “

“You’re right,” he admitted.

“And if for some reason, they don’t love it…Ned, do you really care? Because I love my dad, you know that, but if he can’t find it in him to support us in our quest to have a family, then I can’t accept that.” As Nancy spoke the words, she found them to be true. She had never defied her father before, but this was entirely too important to her to worry about his opinion.

“I don’t. If we can find the kid that’s perfect for us, or the one that we’re perfect for, then the rest of it doesn’t matter to me. But like you said, I’d seriously be shocked if our parents weren’t just as thrilled as we were.”

“Good – then it’s decided. This option stays on the table.”

They lingered on the site for a while longer as the candles burned low and the wind picked up outside. After ninety minutes, Ned clicked off of the internet and shut down the laptop.

“Done?” Nancy asked him, ruffling his hair.

“Yeah, I think I’m on information overload,” he admitted. “Plus, I think someone said something about going upstairs and having some fun.”

“Did they?” she mused, leaning forward and capturing his mouth in a lingering kiss.

“Uh huh,” he replied. “I specifically remember it being mentioned.”

“Well, we’d better get in this time now, because once we’re parents, we probably won’t be able to make love whenever we feel like it,” she told him, her lips close to his.

“And one of us definitely won’t be able to be as noisy when we do,” Ned teased.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, playfully smacking his shoulder.

“I’m just stating the facts, Nan. Come on – let’s get upstairs.” He rose from the couch and extended his hand, pulling her to her feet.

Nancy blew out the candles and took the nearly-empty champagne bottle and their glasses to the kitchen before going upstairs to join him in their bedroom, already smiling as she imagined his expression when he saw her in her new little nightgown.

\--

**November 22**

“Are you sure I can’t help you with that?” Ned asked, coming into the kitchen, his plaid flannel pajama pants slung low on his hips and his hair still mussed from sleep.

“I think I have it under control, honey, but I’ll probably need your help with getting it into the oven,” Nancy replied as she finished rubbing butter all over the skin of the raw turkey in the pan in front of her. “A twenty-pound turkey becomes even heavier when it’s surrounded by carrots and onions and celery and you have it in a heavy aluminum pan with a roasting rack. “

“At your service, ma’am,” Ned told her, flexing his muscles playfully. “Why the carrots and onions, anyway?”

“Because I’ll use the turkey drippings later to make gravy, and the vegetables will add nice flavor. That’s also why I stuffed those seasonings under the skin. “

He came up behind her, and Nancy squealed he buried his face into her neck. “Are you sure you haven’t changed your mind about hosting Thanksgiving here, Nan?”

It was the first time that she’d be hosting a big family dinner for the holidays, and Nancy was definitely nervous. She had spent the few days leading up to the holiday baking pies, making stuffing and pumpkin soup and a sweet potato casserole and a cheese ball and the homemade cranberry-orange relish that was a Nickerson family tradition – she just hoped that she wouldn’t let Hannah or her mother-in-law down.

“I’m terrified that it won’t go well, but it’s too late to back out now, Ned,” she sighed. “Everyone’ll be here at around two.”

“It’ll all be fine, Nan,” he reassured her, dropping a kiss onto her cheek. “Everything you’ve made so far has been delicious, and I’m sure the turkey will be, too. “

She finished playing with the turkey and signaled for Ned to put it into the oven before thoroughly washing and drying her hands. “Ugh, talk about slimy and gross.”

“Just think – soon you’ll be changing diapers, so the turkey won’t be nearly as gross in comparison,” he teased.

Nancy laughed. “Nope – did you not hear? I’ve decided that you will be doing all of the diaper-changing, Ned.”

“Hey!” he pretended to protest as he whirled around to fix her with a mock glare. “I don’t recall that being part of a discussion when we decided to go ahead with the adoption process!”

“No?” she said, feigning innocence. “You must’ve been asleep or distracted or something…”

Now that they had made a decision to submit an application to the adoption agency, Nancy and Ned wanted to spring the news on their parents at Thanksgiving dinner, knowing they’d be overjoyed. The cost would be high, but they were definitely candidates for the $5,000 from Ned’s employer, plus they had received some applications for other grants that were available for couples in their situation. They had also agreed to keep the foster care option in mind for their second child, when the time was right.

“I’ll show you distracted,” he growled, scooping her up into his arms and kissing her breathless.

“Stop, stop!” she shrieked, squirming in his arms. “Even though it’s early, I have so much to do, and everything needs to be perfect for dinner-“

“You have plenty of time, and Hannah and my mom are coming over in a few hours to help out. Besides, you need a shower, right?”

“I do, Mr. Nickerson – that I do.”

“Well, since you’ll need to save your energy for later, I can help you with that, Nan.”

Nancy laughed as he carried her to the bathroom.

\--

**December 15**

Nancy hastily shoved back the covers and bolted out of bed, cursing the pre-dawn darkness as she rushed to the bathroom, not even bothering to flip on the light.

After she had finished vomiting, she sank to the floor in front of the toilet, suppressing a squeal as the backs of her thighs and her nearly-bare ass hit the cold tiles, wishing for the hundredth time that they could afford heated floors. She shivered, cursing herself for not going to bed in anything more substantial than a pair of panties and one of Ned’s old t-shirts.

Nancy willed herself to get up; just as she was about to stand, she felt another wave of sickness roll through her stomach. Once she threw up for the second time, she slowly pushed herself to her feet and made it to the sink, hoping that the glass of water she’d just filled would help with her nausea.

She was startled by the sudden blaze of lights in the bathroom, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. When they did, she saw Ned standing in the doorway of the bathroom, his eyes half-hooded as he also tried to get used to the switch from dark to light.

“Baby, you all right? I turned over and saw that the bed was empty and heard you being sick in here.” His voice was still gravelly from sleep.

She nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t feel well.” She rubbed her stomach through the thin cotton of his t-shirt.

“Maybe it was something you ate?”

Shrugging, Nancy finished her water and placed the glass back onto the counter. “Could be. “

“Want me to get you some tea or ginger ale or something?” he offered.

She smiled. “No, but thanks. I’ll just go back to bed and try to get back to sleep.”

He yawned and stretched. “Good idea. I think that we have about ninety minutes before the alarm goes off. “

She echoed his yawn and followed him back into bed, cuddling into his warmth as he threw the covers over them. Nancy hoped that her sudden nausea would subside so she could get some more sleep before she had to get up from work.

\--

**December 18**

“Shit - again, Nan?” Ned asked, sounding concerned as he watched her retch into the toilet.

She nodded before continuing to expel the contents of her stomach. It was the third morning in a row that she’d been sick, but this time she was also unbelievably exhausted. _Probably from being sick_ , she reminded herself.

Nancy grateful accepted the glass of ginger ale that he’d handed to her once she had finished and tentatively took a sip. “Thanks, Ned.”

“You’re calling out today, and I don’t want to hear it,” he told her firmly, cutting off her protests. “This is the third time in as many days that you’ve been sick, and you probably have the stomach flu.”

Nancy waved him off. “Honey, I’ll be fine. I’ll just drink this and I’ll be good to go.”

Ned shook his head, apparently unconvinced. “Nope. You are staying home and I will too – just so I can keep an eye on you.”

“Ned, it’s a few days before Christmas – we can’t just take off from work!”

“Well, I have my laptop, so I’ll just work from here. And you are going to stay in bed all day, Nan. You never, ever call out, so your boss won’t give you a hard time. Someone else’ll just have to comb through those databases today, babe.”

Nancy wanted to protest again, but the truth was that she was so tired, the thought of taking a shower, getting dressed, and making her way through traffic suddenly seemed completely overwhelming.

“Fine, you win,” she sighed, defeated. “But if I feel better later, I’ll go in.”

He shook his head. “No, you’ll just rest and if you feel better, then you can go in tomorrow. Now go call your boss while I call mine and get you some tea.”

After taking a few more sips of soda, she handed the glass back to Ned; when she attempted to get to her feet, she was so dizzy that he had to help her to steady herself.

“You okay walking back to bed, honey, or do you need me to carry you?” he offered.

“I can do it,” she replied, but was glad to have his body supporting hers as she made her way into the bedroom. Her cell phone was on the nightstand, and she made the call to her boss, grateful that he didn’t keep her on the phone for too long.

After her call, Nancy slipped into bed, arms and legs heavy from exhaustion, and allowed Ned to slide the covers over her.

“I probably picked something up while I was out Christmas shopping. Everyone’s been coughing and sneezing like crazy.”

Ned pressed his lips to her forehead. “Doesn’t feel warm – maybe it’s just the stomach thing. You rest, sweetheart, and I’ll get you that tea. Be right back.”

The next thing Nancy knew, the sun was bright behind the blinds of their bedroom windows. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and groaned. 11:45.

“Did I really sleep this late?” she marveled aloud, slowly moving to a sitting position. Ned’s side of the bed was empty, and she noticed a mug of tea resting on the nightstand. She reached for it, making a slight face when she discovered that it was cold. Ned had probably brought for her after she had passed out.

She lay back, willing herself the energy to get out of bed, but couldn’t seem to move. As she was about to give herself one final push, she heard footsteps on the stairs. The door opened a minute later, and Ned’s head peered in.

“Hey, sleepyhead!” he teased gently, pushing the door open all the way. “How are you feeling?”

“Better, thanks,” she croaked. Her throat was dry and her tongue still had that bitter, acrid taste from when she had thrown up earlier; the sip of cold tea hadn’t helped, either.

Ned sat on the side of the bed, careful not to jostle her. “Are you hungry?”

Nancy’s stomach rolled at the thought of food. “No,” she said weakly.

“Well, you still need to eat, babe,” he reminded her. “How about I bring you some toast and more tea? The mug I brought you earlier has to be cold by now.”

“It is,” she nodded. “But you don’t have to wait on me – I can come downstairs.”

“Nope,” he told her firmly. “You took care of me when I had that nasty bug last winter, and now it’s my turn. Stay here and I’ll bring you a tray.”

She managed a smile. “I’m not sure what I did to deserve such an awesome husband, but I love you.” She tilted her face towards his.

Ned chuckled. “You’re an awesome wife and I love you too. I know you’re expecting me to kiss you, but I’m gonna pass this time around, baby – no offense, but I remember that you hurled this morning.”

Nancy laughed. “No offense taken. I’ll collect later, once I brush my teeth.”

Once she had some tea and toast in her, Nancy had to admit that she felt better. Despite Ned’s misgivings, she made her way downstairs and sat on the couch. She flipped channels on the remote, unable to find something to hold her attention.

Just before she felt herself drift off again, she heard Ned tiptoe in and cover her with the quilt from the back of the couch. The ghost of a smile crossed her lips as he gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. She cuddled into the blanket, feeling warm and safe and loved.

\--

****

**December 24**

Nancy set one final present for Ned under the tree, glad that he wouldn’t be back from work until noon. Otherwise, he’d have snatched up all of the gifts she had for him and playfully shaken them, trying to guess what was inside, just like he always did.

Once the present was added to his pile beneath the tree, Nancy turned around and caught sight of their stockings hanging on the mantle. She felt a pang of longing as she wished that they could have a third stocking hanging there, a tiny one with Santas or prancing reindeer stitched onto it.

_Maybe_ _next year,_ she reminded herself.

Tonight was Christmas Eve, and they had a few holiday parties and open houses to attend. Nancy was excited to be able to share their news about the adoption process. As she’d guessed they would be, their families had been beyond thrilled to hear that they were trying for a baby, and she couldn’t wait to let their friends know, too.

Heading to the bedroom, Nancy wandered to the closet and pulled out the outfit she planned to wear that night. The dark-wash skinny jeans would look great with the deep green satin sequined camisole and matching ruffled cashmere cardigan she had bought, and her black high-heeled suede boots would complete the outfit perfectly.

Nancy just hoped that her stomach would hold out. While her day off from work had helped, she had still felt somewhat nauseous every morning since, and her tiredness still lingered. Whenever Ned had asked her, though, she’d pasted a bright smile on her face and lied, telling him that she was fine. She didn’t think he believed her, but he didn’t question it.

_Maybe you’ve still got the remnants of that stomach bug – and I’m sure that all of the drinking you’ve done at the Christmas parties you’ve been going to hasn’t helped, either_ , she thought ruefully.

The get-together the other night at Jan and Mike’s had been particularly wild, and Nancy had drank her fair share of pomegranate martinis. When they had come home by cab, Nancy had all but ripped Ned’s clothes off – they hadn’t even made it upstairs. She smiled at the memory of them interwined on the couch, the glow of the lights from the Christmas tree soft and sweet around them.

The thought still fresh in her mind, she went to the drawer and stroked her fingers over the red silk nightgown she’d bought just for that night. Trimmed in black lace, the gown had been expensive, but Ned’s reaction to it would probably be worth it, she mused.

Closing the drawer with a smile, Nancy went down to the kitchen to start preparing the macaroni and cheese casserole she’d be bringing to her father’s for Christmas dinner tomorrow night, and the spice bread she’d contribute to Christmas lunch at the Nickersons’.

\--

“Babe?” Ned called out as she heard the front door open, the bells on the wreath she had hung there jingling merrily to signal his arrival. The next sound she heard was of him stomping his feet on the mat on their porch. Last night, a fresh coating of snow had fallen throughout the Chicagoland area, and everyone on the TV and radio had been excitedly chattering about having a white Christmas.

“I’m in the kitchen, honey!” she called back.

“Thought I smelled something good!” he announced as he walked into the kitchen a minute later. “What is it, and can I have some?”

“It’s a spice bread with a cream cheese ribbon inside - and no, you cannot have some.” She lifted her face for his kiss and shivered as his cold lips touched hers.

“Aww,” Ned pouted playfully as he tugged on her ponytail.

“I thought you’d be full for sure, Ned. Didn’t you guys have all kinds of cookies and candy and snacks for your half-day?”

“We did,” he shrugged, dropping into the chair across from hers at the kitchen table. “But I’m sure none of that stuff tastes as good as the bread you’ve made, baby.”

“Well, you’ll get to taste it tomorrow at your parents’ house. You’ll just have to hold off until then. But I was just about to make some cocoa crinkles – if you’re a good boy, I’ll let you have some.”

Ned perked up at the mention of the chocolate cookies, and Nancy chuckled. “You’re so good to me, sweetheart.”

“I sure am. So, how was work? Did you guys even do anything, or was it just an all-day grazing and gossiping festival?”

Ned rolled his eyes. “It was a total waste, Nan. Three-quarters of the people had the day off, and the rest of us had absolutely zero productivity. Like you said, we just sat around and bullshitted all morning while we listened to Christmas music from someone’s computer in between snacking. Oh, and-” He paused.

“And what?” she asked, puzzled as to what had caused him to stop.

“Lisa brought in her baby.” He looked so sad and tentative that Nancy’s heart broke.

“It’s okay, Ned,” she told him, getting up from her chair to settle into his lap. She stroked his hair. “You can tell me. And besides, by next Christmas, we may have a baby of our own, remember?”

The mere sight or mention of a baby, any baby, would have broken her a few months ago; now, it still caused an ache, but the pain wasn’t nearly as bad knowing that she could soon have her own child to love.

He smiled at her. “I know, but… You had really been hoping that we’d be parents by now.”

“I can wait a few more months, honey,” she reassured him, and she almost meant it. “So, tell me about Lisa’s baby. Cute, ugly, what?”

Ned cracked up and playfully swatted her on the rear. “No, cute. Very cute – wispy blonde hair with one of those stretchy headband things, big brown eyes, wearing a frilly little red-and-white dress.”

“Aww,” Nancy sighed. “Sounds precious.”

“She really was,” Ned admitted. “She slept almost the whole time, but I got to hold her for a few minutes.”

The image of Ned with an infant cradled in his arms was so sweet that it almost took her breath away. “Good, so you got some practice,” Nancy teased, ruffling his hair.

He grinned. “Yep – now I’ll know how _not_ to drop our kid when we get him or her.”

“That’s an important lesson to learn.” Nancy stood up and began assembling the ingredients for her cookies.

“So, what time do we have to be at the neighbors’ tonight?” Ned asked.

“Seven? I figured we’d hang out there for like an hour, and then go on to Howie’s before we head to George’s.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he mused. “Are you sure you’re gonna be up to it, sweetheart?”

Nancy looked up in surprise, poking her head out from the pantry. “What do you mean?”  
  


“I know that you haven’t been feeling great, even though you’ve been telling me otherwise, Nan. You know, your stomach? You’ve also seemed a little bit more tired than usual.”

“Oh! Yeah, it was bothering me again this morning, and I was nauseous again a little while ago, but I’m feeing better right now,” she fibbed.

The truth was, she was exhausted, but that was probably because she’d been running around so much as she prepared for the holiday – shopping, cooking, and attending parties could all take a toll on a woman.

“You sure?” he asked worriedly.

She nodded, giving him a smile as she set the bags of chocolate chips, flour, and sugar onto the counter. “Don’t you worry about me, Mr. Nickerson. I’ll be just fine.”

He looked somewhat relieved as he got up to get some pop from the refrigerator. “Want something, honey?”

Nancy nodded her head. “I’ll take a ginger ale?” Maybe that would ease her rolling stomach.

He passed her the can before giving her a quick kiss and wandering to the den to put a game on TV.

Nancy finished baking the cookies, suddenly hit by another wave of tiredness. She decided to take a nap, hoping that it would give her energy for their parties that evening. Ned had laughingly offered to join her, but she waved him off, knowing that she’d never get any rest if the two of them were in bed together in the middle of the afternoon.

When she awoke a few hours later, Nancy found that she had a few missed calls on her cell phone from friends wishing her and Ned a Merry Christmas. She listened to her voicemails, smiling when her friend Angela Chamberlain Marino mentioned that she’d be in town through New Year’s and proposed that she, her husband Rafe, Nancy, and Ned get together for dinner next Wednesday.

Nancy was scrolling through her calendar on her phone to check her availability for Wednesday when it hit her - it had been forty-five days since her last period. She had stopped counting the days in her cycle since the bad news from Dr. Mitchell, which is why she hadn’t even realized that it was late.

_What does this mean?_ she asked herself, her thoughts racing. _Could it be the flu that you have? The stress of work and the holidays?_ That’s probably it _,_ she reassured herself _._

Still…while Dr. Mitchell had said that it was highly unlikely that they’d ever get pregnant - virtually impossible, Nancy recalled - stranger things had happened. The doctor had said that it would take a miracle, and this was the season for them…

Trying to keep her composure, Nancy rushed to the bathroom and began going through the cabinet underneath their sink. Maybe she had an extra pregnancy test or two lying around – she had been buying them in bulk during all of the months they’d been trying. Sure enough, after digging through the contents, she found three unopened boxes.

Nancy stared down at them, unsure of what to do next. _You aren’t pregnant, so stop doing this to yourself! Just forget about it – your period will probably arrive in a few days._

__

She heard the sound of Ned’s footsteps on the stairs, and she hastily stuffed the pregnancy tests back under the sink.

\--

**December 25**

Nancy woke up naked, her back to Ned and his arms tight around her waist. They had had a lot of fun at their parties the previous evening – and a lot more fun when she had put on the red silk nightgown when they’d returned home.

It was Christmas morning, and Nancy wanted to make a special breakfast for Ned before they got ready to go to his parents’ for lunch. This way, they could eat while they opened their gifts.

Nancy couldn’t wait to see how excited he’d be when he opened the watch she had picked out for him. It had been a splurge, but she had taken on a few extra investigative assignments on the side to help pay for it. His old watch had died and she had wanted to get him something truly special this Christmas. They’d gone through a lot over the last year, and she wanted him to know just how much she appreciated him.

She’d also spent a lot of time pondering the inscription that she’d had engraved on the back. In the end, though, she’d just gone with something simple; it read _Until the end of time. Love, Nancy._

Now she slid out of bed, careful not to disturb Ned, and slipped on her robe. Nancy felt that familiar wave of nausea and rushed to the bathroom just in time.

Again, her thoughts turned to the pregnancy tests sitting under the sink. She had tried her best to keep them out of her head last night, but she hadn’t been very successful. It had taken supreme effort not to say anything to Ned – if it turned out to be another false alarm, she wouldn’t be able to stand the look of despair on his face.

After gulping down a cup of water, Nancy peeked her head out of the bathroom door, glad to see that Ned still appeared to be sound asleep. She knelt down in front of the cabinet, taking a deep breath before opening it and taking out the three boxes of pregnancy tests.

With trembling hands, Nancy withdrew the tests from each of the boxes and followed the instructions, which by now were sadly too familiar. She paced the bathroom while she waited for the results, careful not to make any noise that could wake Ned.

__

Finally, _finally,_ the ten minutes were up. She took a deep breath, torn between desperately wanting to know the results and dreading being disappointed by the results.

_You’re known for being tough and brave_ , Nancy scolded herself. _Rip off the Band-Aid, girl._

She walked back to the sink and looked down at the first stick.

_It can’t be,_ she thought, dazed. _I’m tired and not feeling well, so I’m reading it wrong. That can’t be right._

Scarcely daring to breathe, she looked down at the second test, completely and utterly astonished to find the same results as the first one. Nancy again told herself that she was seeing things, although she had never actually seen this type of result on a test such as this.

She braced herself before checking the third and final one. “Oh my God!” she shrieked, forgetting her attempts to be silent before she clamped a hand over her mouth.

Nancy was actually jumping up and down, tears pouring down her face, when Ned rushed into the bathroom.

“Babe, are you all right?” he asked, clearly panicking. He hadn’t even bother to pull on pants or shorts and stood there naked, just staring at her. “Honey, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Were you sick again?”

“No – Ned, no! It’s… it’s…,” She was so overcome by emotion that she couldn’t even get the words out.

“Baby, what? What is it?” he asked, still concerned.

“Here!” she burst out, waving the one of the pregnancy tests at him. “Ned, look!”

“Honey, why’d you take another pregnancy test?” Ned gently chastised her without even looking down at the stick she was brandishing in front of him. “You heard what Dr. Mitchell and the others said.”

“I did, and she said that it would be unlikely and that we’d need a miracle,” Nancy countered vehemently. “Well, baby – here’s our miracle.” She pushed the stick up so that it was at his eye level.

Ned looked it and then back up at her, the shocked expression on his face mirroring hers. “Nan…what…”

“I know,” she whispered.

“But, it’s just one test, and there are false positives, right?” he stuttered.

“There can be – even though they’re rare - which is why I took two more. And guess what, baby?” She grabbed the other tests off of the counter and waved them. “They all say the same thing. Baby, I’m pregnant.”

Ned just stared at her, tears building in his eyes as it began to sink in. “Nan. Oh, Nan.”

“Don’t just stand there – hug me!” she squealed.

Ned reached forward and grabbed her so tight that he picked her up off of the floor, then immediately released her, gently placing her onto her feet. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry – I don’t want to hurt the baby!”

_The baby._ The minute the words came out of his mouth, they both looked at each other and smiled.

“Ned – oh, Ned. We’re going to have a baby!”

Ned picked her up again, more carefully this time, and swung her around in a circle. “I can’t believe it,” he told her, wiping his eyes. “I can’t believe we’re going to have a little Nickerson with her mommy’s gorgeous reddish-blonde hair or big blue eyes.”

“Or his daddy’s beautiful dark hair and eyes,” she countered gently, brushing her thumb against his cheek and catching a stray tear.

“You don’t suppose that any of our doctors have hours today?” he asked hopefully.

Nancy chuckled. “I doubt it? But I can call first thing tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment. I’m sure they’re going to want to do all kinds of tests and ultrasounds to make sure that everything’s okay.”

Ned sobered at that. “Probably. But I’m sure it will be. Our little Christmas miracle.” He leaned down and kissed her gently, sweetly. “And let me know when the appointment is – there’s nothing that could keep me from going, Nan.”

“I know we’ll want to hold off on telling everyone until the three-month mark, but it’s going to be impossible to keep quiet today with our families, Ned!”

He laughed. “I know – I’m going to want to burst.”

“You know, I got up early to make you a special Christmas breakfast. Let me go down and start – now we really have something to celebrate!”

“Nope,” Ned shook his head. “I’m waiting on you today, Mommy.” Her heart melted upon hearing him call her that. “You can come downstairs, but I’ll make the pancakes, okay? Then we can open presents – although, you’ve already given me the best present ever, baby.”

“I love you so much,” she whispered. “I am so happy right now that I have the chance to give you this.”

“Honey, I told you – even if we hadn’t been able to have a baby like this, I still would’ve been totally fine with the adoption.”

“I know, I know, but…having your baby? Ned, it’s like the most amazing dream.” She shook her head in wonder.

“It’s not a dream, Nan – it’s reality. Now, come on – I’m starving and we need to celebrate.” He gently took her hand and led her back to the bedroom so they could put on pajamas and head downstairs.

\--

**June 10**

“Nan, are you okay carrying that bag?” Ned called out from behind her.

“I’m fine, honey!” she called back as she placed the beach bag into the trunk of their car.

“Okay, just checking,” he told her, placing one hand protectively on her swelled belly before sliding their cooler into the trunk.

“The doctor just said I had to be careful about what I lift, Ned – not that I can’t lift anything at all,” she reminded him teasingly.

“I know, but I still worry about you. And our little peanut.” His palm skimmed her nose. “You remembered the sunscreen, right?”

“Yes, and the extra towels and the snacks, and lots of water… And, the peanut’s not so little anymore! And neither am I.” She ruefully looked down at her figure, which was covered in a polka-dot printed maternity sundress that was acting as a bathing suit cover-up.

“Stop it – you look gorgeous.” He playfully smacked her on the rear - which was also growing, Nancy thought, sighing internally.

Despite her complaints, she truly didn’t mind - after trying for so long to conceive, Nancy thrilled every day to watch the baby growing inside of her. Even so, she had to admit that it still took some getting used to when she looked down and saw her once-slender body now stretched by pregnancy.

They had gone to see Nancy’s OB-GYN two days after Christmas, and the doctor had been shocked when she’d confirmed the pregnancy. She’d immediately referred Nancy to an obstetrician who specialized in high-risk cases - which made sense, given the fact that Nancy was never supposed to have been able to conceive at all.

Unbelievably, Nancy’s pregnancy had gone smoothly, despite her early bouts with morning sickness. She was exhausted, but was careful to exercise and eat healthy foods, despite her cravings for potato chips and tin roof ice cream and nachos and egg rolls. She and Ned had been incredibly nervous each time the doctor had scheduled an ultrasound to check the baby’s progress, but every time, the fetus looked healthy and appeared to be growing at a normal rate.

“You’re sweet for saying that, but I think you’re full of it,” she now told him.

“It’s the truth. Oh, and you’re still sexy as hell.” Ned peered down exaggeratedly at her breasts, which had gone up two cup sizes already. “Mmm, that’s one of my favorite parts about your pregnancy. Not that I was unhappy with them before – believe me – but now?”

Ned had spent a lot of time devoting attention to them just that morning in the shower, and Nancy flushed slightly at the memory of it. “Well, enjoy them while they last, because they’ll flatten like pancakes from the breastfeeding, I’ve heard.

“You’ll still be sexy and gorgeous,” he informed her, giving her one more kiss before moving to the driver’s side of the car.

Once they were both inside the car and the ignition was running, Ned flipped on the air conditioner. Giving him a grateful glance, Nancy fanned herself with her hand while she waited for the scorching hot exterior to cool off.

“Damn pregnancy hormones – they’re making this heat even worse,” she groaned.

“Well, the air’ll kick in any minute now,” Ned told her sympathetically before he leaned over to twist the temperature knob down. “And we should have the nice breezes off of the lake to cool you off, too.”

“God bless your parents for letting us use the cabin for the weekend,” Nancy sighed as he pulled out of their driveway.

“When I mentioned in passing that you’ve been miserable in this heat, my mom immediately proposed that we head up to FoxLake and spend the weekend at their place.

“Besides, right now, I’m pretty sure that we could talk them into anything,” Ned chuckled. “Even if it was illegal. They’re that excited about the fact that they’re going to be grandparents soon.”

She grinned. “Well, I promise not to abuse my power. And I have to admit that it’ll be nice to have a getaway before the baby’s born next month.”

He took his eyes off of the road to grin back at her. “Yeah – some alone time before we become parents.”

“I think that I read in one of my baby magazines that they call it a ‘babymoon’ – like a honeymoon, but it’s a last trip before the baby arrives.” The temperature in the car lowered by at least ten degrees, and Nancy sighed in relief.

“Another honeymoon? I like the sound of that, Nan.” Ned signaled to change lanes.

“Unfortunately, I have a feeling that you won’t be getting a repeat performance of what happened on our first honeymoon, Nickerson,” she replied dryly.

Ned reached over and squeezed her hand. “Yeah, I don’t think that we’ll be doing it every hour on the hour this time around. But we can still manage to enjoy ourselves…” He playfully waggled his eyebrows at her.

Nancy flushed and giggled, remembering how they had managed to find a lovemaking position a few nights ago that was both comfortable for her and safe for the baby. It had been awkward, to say the least, and had required some serious maneuvering and negotiation, but it definitely had been worth it.

“Once I have the baby, we won’t be able to have sex for at least six weeks after the birth,” she reminded him.

“I know, I know,” he said with a mock sigh. “But you’re worth the wait, babe.”

Nancy rested her hand onto his shorts-clad thigh. “You’re so sweet.”

“Damn right.”

Her cell phone buzzed in her bag, and Nancy withdrew it, sighing when she saw the text on her screen.

“Who’s that, babe?”

She looked up. “My boss – he wants to know if I can do a surveillance job next weekend.” Ned glanced sideways and opened his mouth as if to protest, but she cut him off. “Don’t worry – I’m telling him no.”

“Who puts a seven-months-pregnant woman on a stakeout?” Ned wondered aloud. “No offense, Nan, but you don’t exactly blend in right now.”

Nancy gave him a mock glare. “That’s the point, Nickerson – no one would suspect that someone like me would be watching them. Doesn’t matter - I know that next weekend is my baby shower, which is why I turned him down.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he told her, sounding entirely too innocent.

“Come on, Ned,” she smirked, “you forget your wife’s a detective. You think that I missed all of the clues? A printout of the luncheon menu with next Sunday’s date on it in Hannah’s car, your mom inviting me to lunch that exact day, Bess and George both going out of their way to tell me that they’re busy next weekend…”

Ned paused before letting out a loud sigh. “Fine. Fine, you win. But can you at least do me a favor and act surprised? My mom and Hannah and Bess and George have all been working really hard at putting this thing together, and they’re very excited.”

“Of course,” Nancy replied. “Didn’t I do a good job of pretending to be shocked when I walked into my bridal shower?”

“You were great,” he admitted grudgingly.

“So you don’t have to worry,” she told him, leaning over to ruffle his hair. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Don’t you know by now that when it comes to you, I always worry? I can’t help it – you’re just that unpredictable. You’ll make me gray before I turn thirty, babe.”

She smiled. “You love my unpredictability – admit it.”

“I do,” he acknowledged, dipping his head. “I’m just nervous that our son or daughter will inherit your strong sense of curiosity, because I can’t imagine having to corral two of you. I must say that I have a new appreciation for your father, Nan – I have no idea how he ever slept at night.”

“At least life with me is never dull,” she replied lightly.

Ned laughed. “That, my darling wife, is very true.” He stopped for a light and leaned over to give her a kiss. It started as a quick press of his lips to hers but he deepened it.

The sound of horns honking behind them made him break the kiss and he reluctantly pulled away.

“Control yourself, Mr. Nickerson,” she teased. “You’re causing a traffic jam.”

“By now, you should know that I can’t control myself around you.”

“And I hope that it never changes. No matter how old we get or how many kids we have.”

His teeth flashed in a wicked grin just before he put his foot down on the gas pedal. “Trust me, baby – it never will.”

**December 25**

The simultaneous sounds of cooing and an adult chorus of laughter were the clues that tipped her off.

Placing her hands on her hips, Nancy put on her best stern expression as she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Five faces with varying expressions of guilt greeted her from their positions on the couch, loveseat, and chairs.

The only one who appeared guileless was her daughter, her big brown eyes alight from all of the attention she was receiving. The baby began gurgling excitedly at the sight of Nancy, her pudgy fists waving in the air in a jerky rhythm.

“So, which one of you is responsible for this, huh?” Nancy asked, trying to sound stern as she folded her arms underneath her breasts.

“She was crying,” Hannah told her, clearly fibbing.

“Uh huh,” Nancy replied, not convinced. “Then how come I didn’t hear it through the monitor, huh?”

“You were very wrapped up in checking the food in the oven, Nancy,” her mother-in-law interjected. “It’s completely understandable.”

“But not so wrapped up that I missed Noelle making happy little noises,” Nancy pointed out to the group. “And, no wonder – she’s being held by her Grandpa Carson and her daddy is tickling her.”

She gave Ned a mock glare as his hand shot out to graze their daughter’s ribs through her snowman-printed blanket sleeper. Predictably, Noelle made a giggly noise of delight, her flannel-clad legs kicking against Carson’s chest.

“And Grandma Hannah and Grandma Edith and Grandpa James are all making funny faces at her. How’d she get out here, anyway? I’m not letting all of you off of the hook.”

“Okay, okay,” her father-in-law sighed, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I happened to be walking by the nursery on my way to the bathroom and I thought I heard Noelle fussing. When I came back, she was still making noises, so I thought I’d check on her.”

“And you went into her room and turned off the monitor so I couldn’t hear her going crazy when one of her grandfathers came in to see her,” Nancy sighed in pretend annoyance.

“She was very excited,” James admitted, not looking Nancy in the eye. “And she wouldn’t go back to sleep, so I thought I’d just bring her back out here with us.”

“And then when we saw her, we couldn’t help wanting to hold her a little,” Hannah said almost defensively. “It’s your fault, Nancy, for having such a sweet and gorgeous baby – yours and Ned’s.”

Nancy bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. She couldn’t hold it against them too much, considering how long they had all waited for a baby to spoil, but it was fun giving them such a hard time.

“Let me guess what happened next – you proceeded to pass her around, instead of putting her back into her crib so she could finish her nap.”

“We were going to put her back in a few minutes, Nan,” her father replied almost guiltily.

Nancy wasn’t buying it. “Right. And you, Ned - what do you have to say for yourself?”

“Nan, they’re our parents. It would have been very disrespectful of me to tell them no,” Ned pointed out, a twinkle in his eye.

Walking over to her father, Nancy held out her arms until he reluctantly passed her the baby. “Having fun today, little one? You like having everyone spoil you, don’t you?” she said in a singsong voice before dropping a kiss on the top of the baby’s dark hair.

The smell of baby powder was so intoxicatingly sweet that Nancy almost burst into tears. She still couldn’t believe that she had been blessed with a happy and healthy baby. Her in-laws, her father, and Hannah gave her tender looks as she cuddled the baby close to her chest.

Because they’d confirmed Nancy’s pregnancy Christmas Day of last year, Ned had proposed that they name the baby Noelle if it was a girl. Plus, he’d told her with a wide grin and a sparkle in his eye, it would mean that the baby’s initials would be N.N. – just like her parents’.

Nancy had laughingly protested, at first teasing him about the prospect of being Ned, Nancy, and Noelle Nickerson, but the more she said it aloud, the more she actually liked the idea.

“Why don’t I take her back to the nursery, Nan?” Ned now asked, getting up from the couch. “Maybe she’ll go back to sleep for a little bit longer.” He transferred the baby from her arms into his, and was rewarded with a drooly, toothless grin from their daughter.

“And I’ll come with you, just to make sure that she actually makes it into her crib,” Nancy told him. Their parents began waving madly at the baby as Ned left the room, Nancy at his heels as they went up the stairs and into Noelle’s bedroom.

Ned gently placed Noelle on her back in her white wooden crib with its pink-and-white polka-dotted fitted sheet and matching crib skirt, tenderly stroking the top of her head with the palm of his hand.

For a moment, she and Ned just stood in front of the crib and watched the baby’s eyes drift closed, her dark lashes a contrast to her pale cheeks. Her little pink bow of a mouth was pursed as her breathing regulated into that of a deep slumber, and her chest rose and fell in movements so shallow they were almost imperceptible. Nancy moved closer to Ned, snuggling up to his side when he placed his arm around her shoulders.

“I still can’t believe we made something so perfect,” Ned remarked in hushed tones as he continued to stare down at their now-sleeping baby.

Nancy looked up at him and smiled. “I know,” she replied softly. “Everything we went through, all of the pain and heartache – it was worth it, now that she’s here.”

He nodded. “It was awful, and I hated seeing you so sad, but it’s like every bad thing we went through was a test to make sure we really, really wanted to be parents.”

“You know, I still don’t understand what I did to deserve her,” she admitted. “Or you, for that matter. You’re both like… like, my _miracles,_ Ned.” Despite the festive, joyfulness of the holiday, Nancy felt herself become teary-eyed as she voiced the words aloud.

Ned leaned down and tipped her face up to place a tender kiss upon her lips. “Now you know how I feel, baby. I don’t make the most money or drive the fanciest car or have the biggest house, but none of that matters to me. What matters is that I have a gorgeous, incredible wife and a gorgeous, incredible daughter. Every day, I question what I did to get so damn lucky.”

She sniffled, wrapping her arms around her husband’s waist as she looked up at him. “I love you so much.”

“So, once everyone goes home tonight…want to put on that red silk nightgown you wore for me last Christmas and see if we can make another miracle?”

Nancy giggled. “Well, Dr. Mitchell did say that it’s very likely I could get pregnant again, now that it’s happened once…”

“That’s right – now that your body knows what to do, so to speak, there isn’t a reason it can’t happen again,” Ned pointed out.

“And even if it doesn’t work out, we’ll have fun practicing,” she mused.

“True,” he agreed. “And if it doesn’t…Then, Nan, I will be perfectly content. We have a precious daughter and a beautiful home and a great marriage – there is nothing else I could want for.”

She smiled. “I feel the same way – it’ll be nice if we can have another, but if not, I’m completely fine. Besides, maybe we could try adoption in a few years.”

“You’re just that determined not to make Noelle an only child like us, huh?” Ned teased.

“Well, at the rate our parents are going, she’ll be totally and completely spoiled by the time she’s a year old,” Nancy pointed out. “We’ll need another child to balance things out.”

“Well, since I can’t ever say no to you, Nan…” He gave her a loving grin.

“Obviously, _I_ can’t say no to you, either,” she laughed, pointing to the crib. “Otherwise, that sweet little girl wouldn’t be here right now.”

“And thank God she is,” Ned said softly, kissing the top of Nancy’s head. “Thank God that I have the both of you.”

“I’m the one who should be thankful, Ned,” she told him fervently. “After all, I have you, and you gave me her.”

“And she’s the biggest blessing of all.”

“On that, we can agree, darling.” Nancy pushed herself up onto her tiptoes to press another kiss onto Ned’s lips. They clung together for a minute before reluctantly backing away from the crib.

Ned flipped on the baby monitor and took her hand as they walked out of their daughter’s nursery, pulling the door halfway closed behind them before going back downstairs to continue celebrating the holiday with their families.


End file.
